Family violence is a serious issue that often goes unnoticed because it isn't always obvious. The signs of coercive control can be subtle and difficult to identify. Coercive control extends beyond physical abuse to include non-physical forms of abuse, such as emotional manipulation, psychological pressure, and financial control. These non-physical forms of abuse can be just as damaging, eroding a person's sense of self-worth and autonomy over time. Recognising and understanding the broader scope of coercive control is essential in addressing and preventing family violence effectively.
What is coercive control?
Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of abusive behaviours over time that hurt, humiliate, isolate, frighten, or threaten another person in order to control or dominate them.
Eight signs of coercive control and what to look out for
- Isolation from friends and family: Your partner is making you limit or even cut off contact with your friends and family. The goal is to make you feel isolated and like you have no one to turn to for support or advice.
- Constant monitoring and lack of privacy: You are constantly being watched, and your privacy is non-existent. The abuser might control how much you eat, sleep, and exercise. While this can be disguised as 'caring,' it’s a way to exert control and shows a deep lack of trust.
- Turning your children against you: If you have children with your abuser, they may use your children against you by making you appear as the bad parent. This tactic is designed to undermine your authority and relationship with your children.
- Limited access to finances: Financial independence is important, but in an abusive relationship, one person often controls all the finances. This leaves you vulnerable and dependent on them, making it difficult to leave or make decisions on your own.
- Constant criticism: You are constantly criticised, and over time, the negative comments erode your self-esteem and confidence. Repeated criticism can make you start to believe the negative things being said about you.
- Controlled sexual relationship: The abuser dictates when you have sex and what activities you perform, denying you any autonomy or say in the matter. This can be a form of control and abuse that deeply affects your sense of self and well-being.
- Household duties: Your partner forces you to do all the household chores without taking any responsibility themselves. This imbalance in responsibilities can add to your stress and feelings of being undervalued.
- Doubting your own reality: The abuser gaslights you, making you question your own sanity, truth, and experiences. This manipulation is designed to make you doubt yourself and your perceptions, leaving the abuser in control of the narrative and always appearing to be right.
Seek Support
If you are experiencing family violence or coercive control, it is important to seek help. The following organisations offer support and guidance:
- 1800RESPECT (National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service): 24/7 support via phone or online chat.
Phone: 1800 737 732
Website: www.1800respect.org.au - Safe Steps (Family Violence Response Centre): Provides support for people experiencing family violence in Victoria.
Phone: 1800 015 188
Website: www.safesteps.org.au - MensLine Australia: Support for men who are victims of family violence or experiencing emotional distress.
Phone: 1300 789 978
Website: www.mensline.org.au - Respect: Provides information on coercive control and other forms of family violence, including support options.
Website: www.respect.gov.au - Magistrates Court of Victoria: Provides information about Family Violence Intervention Orders.
Website: www.mcv.vic.gov.au/intervention-orders
Guiding you to a better future
Here at Eliza Legal, we are experienced in advising on matters that relate to coercive control and family violence. Our experienced lawyers will work with you to minimise the impact of family violence on you, your children and other family members by offering advice on and guidance through the end of a relationship.
Eliza Legal is a leading family law firm based on the Mornington Peninsula, dedicated to providing tailored legal services with compassion and integrity. Contact us today and let’s see if we’re a good fit! We’d love to help you.
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